1. Working Overseas – I guess coming from a country like the Philippines, most people has a relative working or living abroad. For Filipinos, it has already become a necessity for a better life and to provide for your family. My friend, looks at it as something exciting – since my friend’s Singaporean. Working overseas is a sign of maturity for this friend, and looks forward to it cos it’s a first in their family to have someone to work overseas. (Think about it! Amazing)

2. Visas – Most Filipinos become snotty after being able to acquire a visa sticker in their passport and actually being able to travel to that certain country. Frequent Filipino travelers, dread the procedure cos it entails document gathering that takes so much time. (Plus there’s a tiny chance of getting denied, minor bumps in the release of the visa and passport, etc). The same friend wants to have a visa sticker just like what I have since they are visa free for most countries. The friend wants it as a souvenir. LOL!

Most of the time, I talk about travelling, life overseas, or sappy love stories. Today, in between me being in bed, and trips to the toilet to throw up (don’t ask, it’s not nice to write about it), I get this nagging image I saw a couple of days ago about the October 4th Apple event in California.

So what’s there to talk about with regards to the iPhone?

I guess everyone’s lives will never be the same again after the launch of the first iPhone. I remember being in Manila when the first generation iPhone came out and saw the price tag on it – absolutely RIDICULOUS. (Well, until now, it really isn’t advisable to get your iPhone in the Philippines because it’s overpriced, the data plans and the 3G network are blah, and it’s friggin locked to one service provider).

I thought the iPhone was overrated and were just for social-climbing-turds who wanted to lord it over the urban poor of Manila that they had the money (well, I think they had plastic where they’d have to save every single cent to pay for the bills) to get these gadgets. So, I’m being mean. Let me clear the air again.

When I moved to Singapore, I thought to myself that my trusted Nokia 7210 Supernova would do the trick. Funny how typically Filipino I was – owning a Nokia phone. And as typical as they come, I got myself an iPhone 3GS even before my first payday (I think I got my back pay from my previous employer and thereby shelling out SGD200 for the phone under a 2-year plan).

I was made into a believer of the iPhone. The nice thing about living in a socialist-first-world country is that the resources are all within everyone’s reach. Everyone, well, 90% of the people you’d see inside the MRTs daily are so engrossed with their smartphones, the iPhone to be exact, that nobod even gives a damn that you have one. Do that in the Philippines or another country here in Asia, and you might have to choose between your iPhone and your life.

Then the iPhone 4 came out and everyone was all gaga over the retina display. The death grip wasn’t so much of a let down, though the shape of the phone was a bit of a challenge. It initially only came in black and everyone was waiting for a white one to come out – just like with the 3GS.

So now the question is, will Apple release an iPhone 5, an iPhone 4S, or both? A mid-priced smart phone from Apple might shake the market once more. This might cater more to emerging and developing countries. But having a choice between the iPhone 5 and the iPhone 4S? Hmm.. the iMessaging and the notifications are the ones that I’m actually waiting for. More than anything else, the iOS5 and iCloud makes me look foward to this event.

Let’s also put somewhere in this event the official launch of the Facebook for iPad application.

So, I think I’ll be a dork and stay up late in my hotel room in Davao next week, waiting for the feeds in the said event. iPhone 5? I think I’d wait until March to get one (if there is indeed one since I’m doing a re-contract by March). After all, I still have a year or so more here in Singapore before I get moved elsewhere (I think).

In between my travels for work, I try and squeeze in some personal time to go and visit places of interest. I am very fortunate to be living in Singapore – which is a major transportation hub for most airlines. Traveling to nearby Malaysia, Indonesia, Vietnam, and Thailand is very easy, and there’s also a chance of land travel if you do have time to spare and you’d want to explore the whole of South East Asia.

Ever since I took being a working professional seriously, I’ve done automated funds transfer from my main account to another deposit account. Back in Manila, I was only paid a certain amount of money and a portion of that would go directly to another account for savings. I’ve carried that on when I moved here to Singapore because I wanted to be able to save. I can honestly say that I have been able to successfully save since January of this year.

I have all these places I have in mind that I want to see in the coming months. I am going to South Korea next month and will be spending 3 weeks in Australia in December and early January, 2012. As early as now, me and a couple of friends are already talking about visiting Tokyo and Kyoto in Japan by April of next year. This is in time for the Cherry Blossoms festival in Japan and to celebrate the birthdays of two of my colleagues, and the graduation from Uni of another. For me, it’s another good way of being able to go to another country, get a taste of their culture, take photos and be able to go inside all their wonderful temples, be able to wear traditional garb, and be able to partake in one of their tea ceremonies.

I also am thinking of visiting the United States next year (something that wasn’t really in my list, but I guess now I am interested in stepping into American and Canadian soil). All these traveling will be expensive so I will set up another bank account where the money that comes in there will solely be for travel purposes – pocket money, air fares, payment for credit card bills that involves my traveling, etc. It’s high time that I take control and be responsible of my finances and be able to prove myself that I am doing well at this stage of my life – being able to provide for my folks, being able to save for the rainy days, and being able to live life a little by enjoying what I’ve worked hard for.

Traveling makes me a richer and wiser person. It makes me a better person. My goal every time I travel to a foreign country is to be able to discover a piece of myself that I haven’t seen before. I would like to leave that country knowing that it has changed me and my way of thinking. I want to be able to enjoy and to affirm how wonderful God’s creations are.

There are so many places I want to see – Mongolia, Russia, China, Brazil, Mexico, New Zealand. Life is too short and the world is to big to slow down – I want to do it while I’m still young and I still can. If I do settle down, it would be harder and much more expensive with the whole family tagging along – tailoring your itineraries to the needs and the wants of the other people around you.

For those who might be reading this, I suggest and urge you to also set up a travel fund. It may not be for international travels, it may just be for that getaway in Palawan you’ve been dreaming of. It might be for that plane ticket you wanted to buy to be able to explore the Southern parts of the Philippines. Or, it may just be your ticket to be able to go and see other South East Asian countries after getting a really cheap budget airline ticket.

Before my mid-twenties, I was planning on migrating or settling down in Australia on or before I turn 30. That plan might change a bit as I am thinking of becoming a resident and eventually a citizen of my current country. I’ve grown to love Singapore and all it’s Asian multi-racial goodness. I can no longer eat without chili and live without NETS.

This year, I finally decided to go back to Australia. It has been almost 6 years since my last. What’s different this  time is I am the one processing my visa application. It’s the first time that I am applying for a individual tourist visa and not a family-sponsored (48s) visa.

It all started early 2011 before I went to Vietnam to spend a couple of days with family. My Ate and I were exchanging e-mails and the topic of Australia came up. She asked me when I was planning on going (they were going home during the school break which also happened to be during my birthday). Unfortunately, it was winter in Australia – not one of the best times to go there. I didn’t want to spend my birthday freezing my butt off. So, we explored the idea of spending Christmas and New Year in Australia. (Ever since I moved out of Manila, I’ve decided not to fly home during the Holidays). So, that was set – the process of researching and collecting all the necessary documents had to be done.

http://www.immi.gov.au  - to check the requirements and the necessary application forms. Aside from Aussies and Kiwis, all nationals have to obtain a visa to enter Australia. As Filipinos, we do not have the privilege of being able to apply for a visa online and have to go to the Australian High Commission ourselves. Here in Singapore, you lodge the application via the High Commission (Australian Embassy). In Manila, you’d have to go through their VIS.

So, here’s what I needed:

• Accomplished 48R application form (general tourism purposes)
• Passport photo taken within the last 6 months (the one I submitted was the same one as the one on my Schengen visa taken December 2010 which  I will be using for my South Korean visa too)
• Letter of Employment (stating your job title, start date with the company, monthly pay, and dates of approved leave). The letter should be addressed to the Australian High Commission and not the usual “To Whom It May Concern”. Our HR didn’t include the dates of approved leave (which didn’t matter) on the letter.
• Invitation letter from family member – my Uncle and Aunt sent me an invitation letter and also sent a letter tot the Head of Missions here in Singapore. (A copy of both their passports should’ve been included on the letter but wasn’t). My uncle and aunt indicated their passport numbers as Australian Citizens and their contact information.
• Copy of my pay slip for the past 3 months
• Copy of my bank statement for the past 3 months

Did the whole security thing again and was told to go where I went the last time. Gave my receipt and told the lady I was there to collect my passport. I was asked if I was told to come back that day and I said yes. She found my passport, asked me to confirm that it was my passport and went back to her work. I opened my passport to find my multiple-entry visa granted.

I find myself writing you again – the one person I knew I could rant to and find myself still being Superman afterwards. No matter how tough it gets, you were always there – even when I was telling you to go away. You would still be there, listening to what I would have to say.

Sadly, it’s pretty tough to find someone to do just that now that you’ve been gone for almost four years. And what’s even more sad is that things are much more complicated now than it used to. As I grow older, there are days where I detest having to grow old and do much more grown man stuff – to be able to survive and make a decent living.

So I’ve had a bad day again. Well, a bad couple-of-weeks to state a fact. I feel like shit most of time. I find myself asking the same question much more frequently – What am I to do with my life? Most of the time, I like where I am and what I’m doing, equally or a bit less, I find myself detesting or just questioning why I am doing the same thing. You know how I am – I am like the modern-day version of Rufio. I am a part of the “Lost Boys” wherein I do not want to grow up. It felt like growing up was a curse rather than something one should embrace. Growing up meant more bills to pay, the constant desire to see the world, thereby working and saving up to be able to do that. And then there’s the responsibility that comes with the job. Something that I have to admit, I couldn’t or wouldn’t want to handle at times.

Tubs, how I wish there was someone who could talk to me and tell me stuff that would not necessarily make me feel better, but would gear me into the right direction. I wish there was someone who would assure and affirm me and let me know when I’m already doing something stupid – who would whine even more than me, and would point out that other people have stuff they’re going through. I wish there was someone who’d also tell me about how their life sucks and that they need advice – more like an exchange of ideas, thoughts, and more importantly – HONEST OPINIONS.

Oh well.

What I would give to become a kid once more. I mean, I am thankful and extremely blessed with what I am doing now, but as you move up, the more stressful and more difficult the tasks become. Most of the time, you just get tired of all the shit and drama you have to put up with in keeping things running. Which brings me back to the topic of tonight’s entry.

This morning, I visited Universal Studios once again. It was nice being inside the Theme Park, though seing waiting times of 110 and 95 minutes to get into some popular rides was just over-the-top crazy. Anyway, being able to enjoy the day, riding the roller coasters, going around the park, seeing all these characters from the animated movies ignited my perpetual longing – to be YOUNG and becoming a KID once more.

This also probably is the reason why I miss living and spending time with my nieces Toni and Lien, and my nephew Noah. I get to think, behave, and act like them whenever the four of us are together. Of course, my role as the supervising adult would always be there – but being the cool and dependable uncle, just is a different ball game.

I miss spending time Lien because I go back to basics with her – we play blocks, go through the alphabet and the letters via picture cards, sing the Alphabet Song, and even watch The Wiggles non-stop. With toddlers, you have to really use your imagination and ignite the creativity within them. Then jumps in my boy Noah, who dreams of becoming a chef. I like being in their household because it encourages and welcomes whatever you want to be when you grow up. We encourage Noah with what he wants to do – we spend time with him in the kitchen, involve him in the preparation of the food, and ask him to help us prepare the food whenever we have play dates at home, or during their birthday parties.

My niece Toni is a bit different now that she’s older. Sure, we still have our secret club (Tito Carlo, Toni, and Noah – with Lien as our honorary member) Toni holds meetings and then sends me and Noah off to our space adventures. It would also be board games, or just being in Tito’s (the guest) room, talking about what happened during the day, or asking me if she can play with my iPhone. (This is also one of the reasons I download games on my iPhone – so that whenever I am with the kids, I can keep them entertained if Tito becomes a bit boring or tired).

How I wish I were the same age as these kids are now – young, learning, and carefree. I miss those days when all I had to think about was how to tell my folks I flunked an exam in school, or that I need money to buy materials for our school project. I miss those days when I would stay late in school because we were all preparing for our school program. I miss looking forward to recess at 9:30 and just going out into the quads and start playing with my classmates. Heck, I even miss those fist-fights, brawls, and other things I got myself into – leaving me either all bloodied up, or crying.

Being a kid, all you had to do was to be good in school – for me to be able to ask my dad to buy me that Ninja Turtle or Dragon Ball Z action figure I’ve been looking at every time my mum would bring us to SM Makati to shop for clothes. I miss trying to pick stuff on my own or frown at my mum whenever she starts dragging me to either Maui and Sons or Moose gear. I miss being sent to school by my dad, picking me up during lunch, and then picking me up again after school. My dad would drive me and my sister first to the nearby Greenwich, buy that lovely lasagna, before going home. I miss those times back in the 90′s when power outages were so horrible, my dad would ask me to bring my brother and my sister down to the car, start the engine, and then turn the A/C on. I was probably 8 or 9 when my dad started to teach me how to operate a car.

I miss having to look forward to December when my Dad would get his Christmas Bonus, give mum cash, and then my mum would tell us how much everyone was getting. Growing up, me and my sister started buying all these stuff from Guess, and wouldn’t go to school if we wouldn’t wear Dr. Marten’s. Now that I think about it, I was a bit spoiled by my dad.

As a kid and growing up, I would always look forward to my dad coming home from the office – with him bringing me all these fruits I love eating either while watching cable news with him, or just plain Weekend programming. My dad would get me 5kgs of lanzones or mangosteen, and he would just look at me eat the whole thing. My dad taught me a couple of valuable things – spending on FOOD, BOOKS, and TRAVELING.

What I would give to just live a carefree life. A life not having to think about not being able to satisfy or provide for the needs of others. To just be able to go home at night and look forward to a hearty meal, not having to think about what to eat for lunch because your mum packed one for you either from the dinner the night before, or Fried Chicken, Pork Chop, or Tapa freshly cooked in the morning while you were having breakfast.

I guess this is me wanting to live my life as a young boy all over again, and my way of saying how I miss my life living in the Philippines, and most especially, with my parents and family. I miss living in a house filled with love.

Our love story, if you can call it that way – started with a pack of Manna. I don’t know if you remember, but during my first Missions trip, that’s where I met you. I signed up for this post-Christmas event that would take me to Cavite and share my time by handling a group of young boys. I don’t remember really trying to make and effort and be friendly, so we didn’t really make that much small talk. Until that night I shared my last piece of Manna (the toasted bread, more like Prima) with you.

I never thought about it then, I guess it was time for me to let go of that buttered toast that I’ve been trying to keep from everybody else. It just so happens that you were the one I was sitting with during that session. I handed it to you and told you that you can have my last piece of Manna. I got the sweetest smile that probably would stop my world NOW, and I a “thank you”.

That evening, I told myself I have to be careful otherwise I’d start liking you all too soon.

We’ve been friends ever since that retreat. You were just starting out in college back then, while I was already on my way out the door. My nights would never be complete without us updating each other how the day went – how school gets frustrating, or how difficult things would get. I even made fun of you because you told me you didn’t ace your Constitution exam cos the professor made everyone write down the words to the National Anthem and you blanked out. Everyone used to call me “Ding” (cos of Dingdong Dantes who played CARLOS Miguel), short for DINGDING. As time went on, I realized it was only you who kept calling me that and I called you a shorter version of MAKABAYAN (Patriotic).

Even a blind person might’ve realized how things were changing – we were getting to know one another even with the absence of proximity. Technology played a huge role in that – SMS and Friendster during those days. (I cringe at the thought of Friendster, but it did help a lot). There were a lot of Saturdays where you couldn’t go back to the city so that meant you won’t be able to attend Jzone. That also meant someone didn’t have a twinkle in his eyes. But then again, that would only mean my fingers were busy communicating with you so that you don’t get bored or sad cos you were away.

Things changed even more – I graduated from school, started going to more trips, organized and helped out in a ton of retreats, went to Romblon on my first ever journey to Visayas taking a boat. I remember camping out at the roofdeck of one of our host homes in Romblon together with a couple other people. We were all talking about stuff, and they brought you up. I remember being frustrated cos the coverage in Romblon was a bit crappy back then. I felt bad not receiving messages or receiving messages, only to find out they weren’t from you.

I remember getting a small stuffed chicken from you for my birthday – with you knowing how afraid I am of birds. I remember getting a pledge from you and your girls for our trip to Cebu. I cherish every note, every card, and every message that came from you.

I remember being the bus marshall for one retreat and you and your girls told me you were going to ride my bus with me. I can still remember how elated I felt when you sat beside me cos I wouldn’t have anyone to talk to or sit with during the entire trip. I gave you my pillow and offered my shoulder so that you can go ahead and take a nap while on our way to the venue. I remember getting text messages from friends and from other people who saw it and just sending them a smiley face as a response. If I could go to one moment in the past, I would choose to go back to that moment and relive it over and over again.

I remember you asking me to promise you that I wouldn’t tire myself whenever I go and work at a retreat – usually either being the Admin and the Security for the retreat. You’ve been upset a couple of times whenever you find out that I would have episodes wherein I would pass out of exhaustion or would have a hard time breathing either cos I’m too worked up, or cos of physical exhaustion caused by my competitiveness (either playing football, beach volleyball, organized games, or just plain hanging out with the dancers). They would always go to you whenever they couldn’t control me anymore. I remember you asking me to change my shirt and I had no recourse but to follow.

I would always feel like I’m in cloud nine whenever I receive a message from you that had something like this on it:

*koalahugs*

I couldn’t remember how we started sending these to one another, but we did. And all my message inbox would contain would be messages from you like this.

I cherish our conversations wherein we found out we had the same view on a particular topic – like, how a boy and a girl cannot be best friends cos one would end up falling for the other and the other not feeling the same way. This was more like unrequited love. I remember asking you what were and you told me we were CLOSE FRIENDS. I want to tell you know, I could’ve jumped so high, I would’ve burned cos I went up the roof and into the earth’s atmosphere.

I would write you notes – notes that I don’t know what it’s all about, but you told me you had them. I would love to see those notes and then I might be able to tell you what I was thinking or feeling when I was making them. I never thought of myself as a funny guy, but I would find a way to make you laugh and feel like I’ve delivered the best joke ever.

I remember taking you to the food court in Megamall one Saturday night to have dinner at Jollibee. It was hilarious. A friend was sitting nearby and was having fits cos we were arguing about how stubborn I get when it comes to not having soda. I would always reason with you that water was plain boring and I couldn’t have the fake pineapple juice. You would make sure you ‘d check on what I was drinking during dinners at retreats cos you know I have a habit of drinking coffee. But then again, I’d take you to Starbucks and you wouldn’t have problem with that – just as long as I didn’t have coffee.

I remember being in the hospital with you taking your family to come and visit me. It was the first time your family met mine and there was this hint of excitement in the air from my friends while I was telling my family who you guys were. I started with your dad, then your brother, then your sister. When it was down to you, everyone was waiting for me to finally say something and confirm it with the whole world. We kept it low key and didn’t confirm anything.

I’ve dated other people, I’ve been living overseas, but I still have you in my heart. My friends have been telling me about you, how they’ve never seen you with someone else. They told me to give it a shot. They’ve told me this a lot of times. My friends and family only wish for me one thing – that I find me someone I could spend the rest of my life with. And that probably is still you.

This might be you. You might never read this because you don’t know this blog exists. I’d love to share more manna breads with you in the future – if you get to read this and feel the same way, that is.

THIS MIGHT BE YOU. THIS MIGHT STILL BE ME AND YOU. Only this time, it’ll be different cos we’ve grown up.

*koalahugs*

My cousin Lani and my niece Toni flew to Singapore for the weekend as a reward for Toni finishing primary school. Upon arrival, Ate and Toni went and saw The Lion King which is still doing it’s run here in Singapore. I told them I’ll take them out for dinner today so that we could catch up and I can spend some time with them while they are here in Singapore.

I missed having family here in Singapore. It was with them that I spent my first few months after relocating here for work. Living with them was good because – I was living with family yet had the freedom to do what I wanted without having a need to be at home at a certain time like what we’d usually do back home. Living with my Ate and her family meant I would still come home and have home-cooked meals, have lively discussions, conversations, and stories at the dinner table, doing chores – which would mostly be washing the dishes that accumulated while I was out, and the dishes we used during dinner. Living with family meant having a support group, learning about married life, learning and relating to the challenges, joys, and perks of living overseas, and being a responsible adult. Living with family also meant having an excuse to be a cool uncle to three adorable kids – Toni, Noah, and my darling Lien.

Family for me doesn’t necessarily mean having blood relations. I do not have a strong connection towards my dad’s side of the family – prolly cos I didn’t grew up with them and had very little knowledge of their existence. No one made an effort to really stay in touch. This is the exact opposite with my mom’s side of the family. This is prolly cos only my Ninong (Ate Lani’s dad) has been living overseas for the longest time – with him and his family taking Australian citizenship. The thing here is, they made quite a few trips home, and made an effort to stay in touch – with my Ninong and Tita religiously sending birthday cards and calling us during the holidays.

Me and my Ate only became close recently – prolly cos we lived under one roof for a few months – with them trusting me enough to take care and be around their children. I even come and visit them in Vietnam at least twice in a year – celebrating the kids’ birthday cos the little ones requested so. With my Ate Lani and her husband JP, I learned a lot and took a lot of their advice to heart. They taught me how to be responsible with money, how to be careful with choosing friends, thinking very hard before deciding whether or not I should live with fellow Filipinos – and just being able to enjoy seeing the world using my hard-earned money. I look up to them not only because both of them have accomplished so much in their respective professions, but also with how they are raising their children.

Hopefully in December, I get to spend more time with them and my Kuya Jordan in Australia. Since 2010, I have decided not to come home for Christmas and spend it elsewhere. Last year was here in Singapore,this year hopefully is down under.

Today was not the case.

It was raining pretty hard the whole day. So hard that I wouldn’t be surprised if I saw a report in the paper about another flooding within the city state. My desk faces the window so I could see the whole thing happening outside the confines of our pretty cold office. This, coupled by a sudden irritation and my lack of desire to work during the last day of the quarter contributed to my constant state of being pissed and irritated. Talk about a guy showing symptoms of PMS. These, followed by too many people trying to go and have lunch with us at the same time, and them trying to rush everyone made my fuse short.

I dread lunchtimes while home here in Singapore. Decisions need to made on a daily basis in my line of work – so much so that I don’t even want to think about where to have lunch, and being asked about it on a DAILY basis just gets too old. I just lost it and told everyone I won’t have lunch anymore and walked away. After 10 years, I walked out on people again. It was refreshing.

I had a cup of piping hot designer coffee for lunch. Afterwards, I went back to the office and planned my weekend with my niece who’s visiting. I then moved to my boss’s desk which faces against the window so that I don’t see the weather outside. People got the idea I was cranky and kept on bugging me – I gave them a pretty retarded reason that I was getting too much estrogen around me that I needed a break.

So, I got cranky. And it came together with the weather. As one friend puts it, when I’m all happy, I’m really happy. When I’m cranky, I’m really scary.

So I got cranky. Sue me. Better yet, run and hide.

I take my hats off to people who never get tired of loving or trying to look for that ONE. I am not one to be an optimist – I am hopeful but I am not a hopeless romantic. I would prefer going for something real, something of the present, something I know is attainable. Some people just don’t.

I feel bad for people I know who’ve loved and gotten cheated on countless of times. I feel bad for them and find them stupid at the same breath. I just couldn’t understand how they get into the same shit hole over and over again. Have they not learned the first time they got cheated on that they had to do it a second, or even a third time?

I may have been jaded by love and relationships – on one corner of the ring, I see my parents and how they’ve been together for almost 28 years. I know my grandparents loved each other dearly and was with one another until the end. HOWEVER, the other corner outweighs them all – countless cousins separating from their husbands/wives, either a cousin or a friend cheating or caught cheating, and all these unnecessary emotional baggage brought about by all these. I guess am JADED and TRAUMATIZED by the whole thing.

This might be holding me back from going out there and trying to see what’s out there. But really, when do you say enough is enough? After the first heartbreak? After a bad breakup? A failed marriage?